Thursday, March 28, 2013

Oops I forgot...

My babies are doing very well! (plants) The lady I got them from emailed me to ask how they were doing. Wasn't that so sweet?! She said that she thinks of her plants as her children. I do the same :-) Yes...we are nuts, well I am at least. :-)

And in other news, hubby surprised me with my greenhouse that I wanted. He can be a good guy...sometimes. LOL!

I feel lousy

I have yet another tummy bug, but that's not totally why I feel lousy. When I am sick, I do enjoy cuddling up to my animals. But, enough is enough. My dog and I do not fit on the recliner when she is laying sideways! I barely have enough room to sit comfortably, let alone rest so I can get better.

Then there is Sisco, the poor baby. I am feverish and everything hurts. Especially when her toenails dig into my flesh. She doesn't understand why I keep shooing her away or putting her back on her cage. I feel terrible about it.

Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better. :-(

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Awesome New Blog

about depression and self harm. Check it out!

http://raebethbuda.blogspot.com/

I personally recommend it, she's a friend and author who knows what she is talking about.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Our Moods Also Affect Our Animals

All this week I have been busy writing and rewriting articles. In case I haven't mentioned it, I am a writer and I currently write for 2 online publications. (soon to be a third as soon as I get time to sit down and finish an article for them) My writing spot in at my kitchen island, away from Sisco. Today I am not writing, but cleaning since this house is a humungous mess! I notice, and have noticed before that when I am up moving around, Sisco is also up and moving around. If I am sitting at my computer, Sisco is sitting in her roosting spot.

So far today, she has played with a foam block, took a bath, and is now intent on destroying her swing. :-)

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Pictures!

This is how they arrived today. The 20 babies were in the envelope and the 3 babies were sent in the small box.


The 20 babies in the Ziploc baggie. When I potted them, I had a few extra - 4extra to be exact!

My temporary greenhouse. 2 disposable casserole dishes/cake pans, a strawberry container, and a milk jug.

And, the 2 Alligator babies + an extra one that the awesome Etsy seller sent along.

Little Financial Setback

Just a little one, but it meant that I didn't get to purchase my greenhouse this past weekend or anytime soon, for that matter. It's OK. However, I have babies coming so I had to get something to keep them safe and to keep my animals safe. So yesterday, I bought more starter pots and a disposable aluminum casserole dish to act like my greenhouse. If they get too big for this casserole dish before I get my greenhouse up, then I will improvise with milk jugs.

LOL I have oodles of milk jugs!And 2 babies can probably fit nicely inside 1 milk jug.

Sometime today I will go shopping for 2 small cutsie pots for the other 2 plants that are on their way. I have to do this today, because they were shipped Monday and should be here today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow at the latest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No worries, I will let everyone know when they get here! :)

Monday, March 18, 2013

Pennsylvania Dutch Cooking

I love to cook traditional PA Dutch meals, but sometimes it is only me and my husband that eat these kinds of meals. Occasionally our son will eat, but he doesn't eat much, because he isn't fond of some of them. One meal I love to make (and eat!) is roast beef with egg noodles and mashed potatoes. To make this, I would typically buy a shoulder roast or a butt roast beef. But then half of it is wasted or frozen with good intentions then forgotten. When I do remember that I have leftovers in the freezer, I make an awesome BBQ with it!

To save money on this meal, I buy stew beef or beef strips for stirfry. It's the same thing and I cook it the same way, it's just a whole lot cheaper to buy it that way!

The way I prepare this meal is - I sear the beef in a cast iron skillet on top of the stove until the sides are nice and brown. Do not poke the meat. You want all the juices to stay inside the meat and if you poke it all the juices will run out. After it is done searing, I put it in a crockpot and cook it on low for about 8 hours along with the juices that I loosened with some water and scraped up to make a gravy. For more flavor, add a bouillon cube or 2 in the crockpot. Add more water if you need to, the pieces of beef should be covered. But if you are using a whole roast, do not completely submerge your beef. It takes the flavor outta your beef. 

After your beef is all done, take the juice that it was cooked in, put it in a saucepan, add egg noodles and cook them according to the package.

Serve with mashed potatoes and another veggie, cause around here potatoes are not a veggie! They are a gravy holder :-) I like to put my noodles on top of my mashed potatoes. The hubby likes to put his noodles beside his mashed potatoes and put gravy on his potatoes.

Don't worry about browning your beef too much. It just makes better juices/gravy!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I'm not Irish, I'm not a drinker even, but I like this holiday. It is magical to me :) When my son was small, we'd try to catch a Leprechaun. Days before St. Patty's Day, I'd make a little door out of construction paper and tape it to a wall in a discreet location. It had to look like it just "appeared" out of no where, and it had to be hidden so no one would know the Leprechaun was visiting.

We would then build a trap for the Leprechaun and the night before St. Patty's Day we'd set it out with little gold (chocolate) coins. In the morning, of course the trap would be empty, the gold coins would be gone, and little footprints would be all over the house in search of more gold. He always left little presents, tho.

Wish my babies were small again...

In other news, I bought my first plant for my greenhouse today. I bought it through a shop on Etsy. com. This plant is a called Mother Of a Million Babies. I bought 20 babies and will root them. I will definitely need to keep them away from my animals since they are toxic if eaten, and if the babies are not caught in time they will drop to the floor.

So, they will be kept in the greenhouse for sure! I don't even want to risk putting them outside because we have a lot of wildlife that comes to feed on my plants and in the bird feeders.

 I have never seen this plant before, and so I am thinking that it will be easy to sell them once they get bigger and start having babies of their own. 

I am bouncing from excitement!! I can't wait til they come!! Once they do arrive, I will need to fashion some sort of temporary greenhouse for them. Finances are not the best this week, so my greenhouse purchase got put on hold. That's OK. I am nothing but patient. yeah! Right!!!! LOL! But hey, I know my priorities. Paying the house payment and making sure we have food is more important that buying a greenhouse at the moment. It can wait. :)

Friday, March 15, 2013

Positive Affirmations

Yesterday's therapy session was about this topic. Do you know how hard it is to come up with a whole list of things you are good at? I don't mean the typical I am a good mom, I am a good wife, I am a good daughter types of things. I mean things like: I am caring, kind, nurturing, etc. That's hard. I had 2 whole weeks to make this list, but I procrastinated something awful and didn't make it until the very last minute. In fact, I was writing stuff down in the parking lot at the therapist's office!

Unless you are super egotistical, you know what I am talking about. It's healthy to have a positive outlook of yourself. I do not have that. But, through out my session, I said more than a few times, "Oh, I should have written that down, too." Then she gave me her pen to write that particular affirmation down. On the way home, I thought up more positive affirmations about me.

I'm not egotistical, I am someone who has a hard time believing in myself. Especially since I live with a house full of negative and selfish people. It is very hard to stay positive. I truly believe that is why fate has brought people into my life...to remind me that I am a worthwhile human being. It is sad that my own family cannot do this for me. What is sadder, is that I can't do this for myself. But, it is what it is and hopefully, with the right tools I can learn to do this. Meanwhile, my list is growing! One of my favorites I wrote down on my list is that I AM IMPORTANT. We all are, no matter what the people in our lives say to us!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Researching

As I am researching, I am rethinking the idea of using that big garbage can to compost in. It's big! I mean BIG! I might just go out and get a smaller-ish type of plastic tub. I dunno yet. More research needs to be done first before I decide.

Also, I am reading that using worms for composting is a-whole-nother ball game. I might save that experience for when/if I get a bigger garden. 

Why

Why do I let what other people say to me affect me so badly? A person that is so influentual as he is always cuts me down like a knife when he speaks negatively to me. Try as hard as I can to not let it affect me, it never works. Those words he utters become my mantra for the day. Welcome to my depression.

Planning and Plotting

I now understand why my therapist had me think of a hobby that I can do on my own, without the husband or the kids; just something for me. She said that I would enjoy the planning phase, and I am. I have been this excited before about trying new things, however my excitement diminished when I realized that no one was going to help me. In fact, they often discouraged me. This time it is different! This time, I don't care what they say or how they try to discourage me. I am going to start my garden and have my greenhouses.

The difference this time is, I am determined to make this happen! I do not need anyone's approval or help because I AM capable of doing this. If I need help, I won't rely on the people who are "suppose" to help me. I will hire someone.

So, with that said...I have found the store where I will buy my seeds. The husband doesn't have plans for the extra garbage can in the backyard, so it is mine to use for composting! :-) I just need to clean it out and figure out where to put it - in the shade or in the sun. Our house gets sun all day, but we do have 1 shade tree that shades the eastern part of the house. Should a compost pile be in the sun or in the shade? I'm thinking in the shade so it doesn't decompose too fast, but I really don't know. More research needs to be completed before that decision gets made.   

And worms...are "live bait" worms the same as composting worms? I dunno...worms are worms to me, but I read that there are certain types of worms that are preferred for composting. I also read that I will need to buy good worms, because a good worm will live for years in a compost. This makes me think that "live bait" worms are not the same as composting worms. Can I just dig in the dirt to get my worms? We use to do that when we were kids and wanted to go fishing...who didn't, huh?

My day today will consist of researching worms and where to place a compost pile! LOL I am also going to visit my grandmother. Today is her 96th birthday! :-) Oh yeah...and cleaning. Blech!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Composting

I'm reading about composting this morning. I thought composting was harder than that! I can start this for free! I have a small crock I am going to use for my kitchen scraps and there is a garbage can sitting empty outside. I will ask hubby first if I can use it for composting. If I can use it, there will be absolutely no start up costs (altho he may want me to buy biodegradable composting bags for in that can). If he has another use for this can, I will just go to one of the dollar stores and pick up a cheap plastic tote to use.

This is where I am reading. http://howtocompost.org/cat_generalinfo.asp Lots of good info here!

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ugh! Not Going So Well...But

Along with finding friends, my therapist told me that I needed a hobby, something to do that didn't include my husband and children. No, not cleaning or running errands, either. But, something that I liked to do. I was suppose to come up with a list of things that I liked to do and that I liked. Within this list, I would find some hobby for myself. Then it hit me!

Gardening!!

I have always loved playing in the dirt (bugless dirt, tho!) and tending to my indoor plants. One of my dream jobs would be to either own or work in a nursery. A local nursery is hiring, and while that would be an awesome opportunity for me, a job is out of the question for now.

My therapist said that when I found my hobby, I will go into a planning mode. Boy! Was she ever right!! The excitement I felt last night while making up my (dream) shopping list was enough to flow over into today! I am so excited to get started!

I'm not so sure what to purchase first, because I will need (read: want) a whole crap load of stuff.

- greenhouse
- containers
- seeds
- heater/cooling system
- salad trays for lettuces
- watering system
- organic soil
- thermometer
- timer
- grow lights

Ok, so I won't technically NEED all that. But, good golly do I WANT all that! If I plan right, this hobby will keep me busy ALL year long! Woot! I may even be able to sell a few veggies and houseplants.

All I need to do is... WIN THE LOTTERY so I can buy my stuff! :-/

Oh yeah...if I troll the gardening stores enough, I may even make a new local friend...

Monday, March 4, 2013

Still Looking

I don't even know where to start looking for a friend in my area. The people around here and I don't get along. We don't see eye to eye about a lot of things. For the record, the town I live in is not my hometown, but my hometown isn't much better. I guess most people feel that way about the area they live in and people that live in it. Sometimes it seems like this place is the only place where wearing pajamas in public is socially acceptable. Then I look on the internet and see that's not the case.

I'm not an outspoken person, in fact I am very very shy. I do have my passions and I will tell you about them if you give me a chance. Most people don't though.

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

There's not enough parenting advice out there for me to read to prepare for the conversation I just had with my son. I'm used to the kind of questions a "typical" ASD child would ask. These are usually in the form of a scientific question, or at the very least they are quite amusing. Last week he asked me what would happen if we just sent all the werewolves to the moon.

Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for these questions!

He asked me, "Who are you?"

"I'm mom. Silly."

"No, I know that. I am being philosophical."

"Why are you being philosopiphical...Why are you making me say words I can't pronounce?"

"I dunno..."

"Mom, another quick question. Are you happy?"

OMG! I didn't know how to answer that. He's 18, but he's not 18 mentally. Can he handle the truth? What would happen if I said no? Should I lie and say yes?

"Um. No." I stammered. "Are you happy?"

He shook his head and he whispered, "No."

My heart broke.. I am hoping he isn't happy because there is a computer game out there that he wanted and he just doesn't know how to ask for it. So, I naively asked, "Why aren't you happy?"

He didn't answer. Instead he turned the tables on me. "Why aren't you happy?" Who is this child? Why is he asking me these tough questions?

"I'm just not happy with my life at the moment." Hindsight and all that, I should have said that I'm not happy because he said he's not happy. However, I do not believe in lying to my kids. They need to know that a parent has feelings and a parent can struggle with things, too.

But, as I asked my son why he wasn't happy his answer made anything I have ever suffered through seem trivial.

His answer, "I'm not happy with the way I am."

Yeah. Then he asked me to go and pet his cat. Moment gone.

That'll Teach Me To Go Away For The Day

Gracious! I don't have enough body space for the amount of birds that want to be on me today. I have some clingy little fids today. I'm not complaining because Peanut is on me now. I haven't been graced with this much love from him since he found his little girl friend. 


Saturday, March 2, 2013

Positive and Negative Thoughts

I try not to be a negative person, but the negativity always wins. I think to myself that if I don't have any expectations, then I can't be disappointed. But, in this article about positivity it says if you think about it, then it will appear. Hmmm...OK. I think about living on a beach, writing my books and articles, biking to the local market for fresh fruits and veggies, but here I am in freezing cold PA, sitting on my recliner in my robe with wild sleepy hair.

My vision didn't work. Why?

My life experiences tell me that I am always going to be disappointed in one form or another. Why? Is this the reason; do I question things to much and don't just let them "be?"

I think I do.

I am in therapy for depression and anxiety and my therapist said to me at my last session to go out and find some friends. I am terrified of this thought. She also said that I need to find something to do for myself. I am in the midst of trying to find out who I am besides "wife" and "mother."

Who am I? I have no freaking clue! What do I like? Uh, birds. I like to read. I like to sit on my porch swing.

I don't like to go shopping. She said to window shop. Why? If I did that then I'd get even more depressed thinking about all the things that I'd like to have but don't. Be thankful for the things I have, she said. I am. We worked hard for the things we have. It's a daily struggle, but we're no exception since it is for most people.

Have a coffee with a friend was her next suggestion. Can I take my computer? My friends live in it.

I have to go out and get some real friends. :-( But, she didn't tell me how to do that. How do you do that? I don't leave my house unless it is to go to Walmart. A place I despise. When I am at Walmart, I rush around and grab the things I intended to get and a few things that I had no idea I needed until I spot them, which is why I hate Walmart. They are sneaky that way! Before I know it, I am back in the car. I can't remember if I uttered anything except and "excuse me" or "thank you" to the cashier. I do have my manners, at least.

My assignment for my next session is to keep on listing some good qualities about myself. M'kay. And, to keep listing some things I like. My brain will be fried before my next appointment!

Changing the topic a bit...Sisco was pulling out feathers every single night. I counted 5 feathers one morning. This morning, there were NO FEATHERS on the bottom of her cage!!! What was different? Nothing! She continues to baffle me!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Horrible Bird Mom I Am!

I just realized that it was coming up to a year that I've had Sisco. With a little checking, I found out that February 20th was the day Sisco came home. D'oh!!

Happy Birdaversary Sissy-Bug!!