The stuff I deal with in my life-negativity

I have a real hard time not being negative. I always see things as dismal. One little thing could go wrong and I am convinced that all is worthless. It's not that I exaggerate or that I demand attention, I think it is just a part of my disorder...anxiety and panic attack disorder. And a lot of it has to do with how I perceive things.

For instance, we have a guest staying here (I am a sucker like I said in my last post...for all things that need me as if I am a wonderful healer or something ridiculous like that...) and along with my children and husband who can be slobs, it is just too much. Children are children, I do not ask a lot from them and I do not make them do a lot of chores. They generally do what I ask, and it is my own fault for not making them do more and for not being accountable.

So, anyway, back to being dismal (I can joke even in my dismal state LOL), I wake up at 5:30 in order to get some housework done before the daycare children start to arrive. This particular morning, I swept the entire upstairs floor and washed the kitchen floor. But, it looks as if I did nothing. Why? Because as I said up above...the members of my family are slobs.

I would go on strike, but I can not live in slobsville like my family can. They seriously do. not. care. !!!!

And so, in my dismal state, I sit and stew and ponder how my life turned into being a maid to these ungrateful people and when is it ever about me, when will they ever do anything for me? Then I rant and rave and blow up.

I have no time for myself. My mornings could be better spent on doing things for myself...yoga, taking a nice long bath, drinking my coffee leisurely...etc etc...

See how I am? I know that I am this way, so is this a mind over matter thing? Can I cure myself from this horrible condition? I don't think this is depression, I've been depressed before. I just think this is part of who I am because I have been this way ever since I was a child. And I have had anxiety attacks since I was a child as well. I am a nervous person.

Well, onto more exciting things...at least it is for me LOL

We let our 2 lovebirds meet :o) What about quarantine, you ask? Well, I for one do not believe in it when a bird comes from someone I know and trust. This lovebird came from my sister in law's house and she has been there for over a month. If she was sick, something would have happened sooner. And since she is hormonal and cage aggressive, it is very important to start breaking her from that ASAP. She was an only bird in both her former homes so I don't think she knows how to be a bird.

I say that because it is very apparent that she was not let out of her cage much. She has all her flight feathers, but can not fly well. How sad is that?! So, see, it is very important to teach her how to be a bird and I alone can not do that. She needs to see that humans are not all bad. That we will not hurt her. And the best way to show her that is to let her see how we are with our other birds. Time is of the essence here. (Is that the right phrase that I want?)

And, with her not having much exercise, except charging at our fingers, she is quite plump. A lot bigger than our lovie is.

Heeheehee, as I am typing this, Peanut is on my head taking a nap! LOL

School finally (!!!) started here so I am down to 2 fulltime daycare children. I love these kids, but it gets to be too much when they are all here. My son and my nephew are doing cyber school this year and it has been a rough first few days.

My nephew is doing his school here because his mom works during the day and with it being school on the internet, a number of things can and does go wrong. We've had a lot of problems starting out and I am glad that he was here instead of at home alone. I am sure that he would have given up and went back to bed LOL

During the first 2 weeks of school, they want all the kids on their computers by 8 AM sharp!! Someone was asleep at the wheel when they thought up that one, because 1400 kids trying to get on their server all at once is not feesible!

Friday nights are ordering out nights and we tried a new restuarant last night that did not meet my expectations. I do not know what I expected... we tried a soup and sandwich shop but seriously, I can get a whole pound of lunchmeat for the price of one sandwich at this shop. So, to me it seemed ridiculous and a waste of money...lesson learned :o)

See, in my dismal state, my train of thought would be something like, nothing ever goes right for me, I never get what I want, yadda yadda yadda...but, in reality, that kind of place does appeal to some people because that shop was hopping with business. And I'm sure that they won't miss me when I take my restuarant preference elsewhere...

Gotta go to the bank before it closes...toodles.