Positive and Negative Thoughts

I try not to be a negative person, but the negativity always wins. I think to myself that if I don't have any expectations, then I can't be disappointed. But, in this article about positivity it says if you think about it, then it will appear. Hmmm...OK. I think about living on a beach, writing my books and articles, biking to the local market for fresh fruits and veggies, but here I am in freezing cold PA, sitting on my recliner in my robe with wild sleepy hair.

My vision didn't work. Why?

My life experiences tell me that I am always going to be disappointed in one form or another. Why? Is this the reason; do I question things to much and don't just let them "be?"

I think I do.

I am in therapy for depression and anxiety and my therapist said to me at my last session to go out and find some friends. I am terrified of this thought. She also said that I need to find something to do for myself. I am in the midst of trying to find out who I am besides "wife" and "mother."

Who am I? I have no freaking clue! What do I like? Uh, birds. I like to read. I like to sit on my porch swing.

I don't like to go shopping. She said to window shop. Why? If I did that then I'd get even more depressed thinking about all the things that I'd like to have but don't. Be thankful for the things I have, she said. I am. We worked hard for the things we have. It's a daily struggle, but we're no exception since it is for most people.

Have a coffee with a friend was her next suggestion. Can I take my computer? My friends live in it.

I have to go out and get some real friends. :-( But, she didn't tell me how to do that. How do you do that? I don't leave my house unless it is to go to Walmart. A place I despise. When I am at Walmart, I rush around and grab the things I intended to get and a few things that I had no idea I needed until I spot them, which is why I hate Walmart. They are sneaky that way! Before I know it, I am back in the car. I can't remember if I uttered anything except and "excuse me" or "thank you" to the cashier. I do have my manners, at least.

My assignment for my next session is to keep on listing some good qualities about myself. M'kay. And, to keep listing some things I like. My brain will be fried before my next appointment!

Changing the topic a bit...Sisco was pulling out feathers every single night. I counted 5 feathers one morning. This morning, there were NO FEATHERS on the bottom of her cage!!! What was different? Nothing! She continues to baffle me!