There's not enough parenting advice out there for me to read to prepare for the conversation I just had with my son. I'm used to the kind of questions a "typical" ASD child would ask. These are usually in the form of a scientific question, or at the very least they are quite amusing. Last week he asked me what would happen if we just sent all the werewolves to the moon.
Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for these questions!
He asked me, "Who are you?"
"I'm mom. Silly."
"No, I know that. I am being philosophical."
"Why are you being philosopiphical...Why are you making me say words I can't pronounce?"
"I dunno..."
"Mom, another quick question. Are you happy?"
OMG! I didn't know how to answer that. He's 18, but he's not 18 mentally. Can he handle the truth? What would happen if I said no? Should I lie and say yes?
"Um. No." I stammered. "Are you happy?"
He shook his head and he whispered, "No."
My heart broke.. I am hoping he isn't happy because there is a computer game out there that he wanted and he just doesn't know how to ask for it. So, I naively asked, "Why aren't you happy?"
He didn't answer. Instead he turned the tables on me. "Why aren't you happy?" Who is this child? Why is he asking me these tough questions?
"I'm just not happy with my life at the moment." Hindsight and all that, I should have said that I'm not happy because he said he's not happy. However, I do not believe in lying to my kids. They need to know that a parent has feelings and a parent can struggle with things, too.
But, as I asked my son why he wasn't happy his answer made anything I have ever suffered through seem trivial.
His answer, "I'm not happy with the way I am."
Yeah. Then he asked me to go and pet his cat. Moment gone.
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