Composting

I'm reading about composting this morning. I thought composting was harder than that! I can start this for free! I have a small crock I am going to use for my kitchen scraps and there is a garbage can sitting empty outside. I will ask hubby first if I can use it for composting. If I can use it, there will be absolutely no start up costs (altho he may want me to buy biodegradable composting bags for in that can). If he has another use for this can, I will just go to one of the dollar stores and pick up a cheap plastic tote to use.

This is where I am reading. http://howtocompost.org/cat_generalinfo.asp Lots of good info here!

Ugh! Not Going So Well...But

Along with finding friends, my therapist told me that I needed a hobby, something to do that didn't include my husband and children. No, not cleaning or running errands, either. But, something that I liked to do. I was suppose to come up with a list of things that I liked to do and that I liked. Within this list, I would find some hobby for myself. Then it hit me!

Gardening!!

I have always loved playing in the dirt (bugless dirt, tho!) and tending to my indoor plants. One of my dream jobs would be to either own or work in a nursery. A local nursery is hiring, and while that would be an awesome opportunity for me, a job is out of the question for now.

My therapist said that when I found my hobby, I will go into a planning mode. Boy! Was she ever right!! The excitement I felt last night while making up my (dream) shopping list was enough to flow over into today! I am so excited to get started!

I'm not so sure what to purchase first, because I will need (read: want) a whole crap load of stuff.

- greenhouse
- containers
- seeds
- heater/cooling system
- salad trays for lettuces
- watering system
- organic soil
- thermometer
- timer
- grow lights

Ok, so I won't technically NEED all that. But, good golly do I WANT all that! If I plan right, this hobby will keep me busy ALL year long! Woot! I may even be able to sell a few veggies and houseplants.

All I need to do is... WIN THE LOTTERY so I can buy my stuff! :-/

Oh yeah...if I troll the gardening stores enough, I may even make a new local friend...

Still Looking

I don't even know where to start looking for a friend in my area. The people around here and I don't get along. We don't see eye to eye about a lot of things. For the record, the town I live in is not my hometown, but my hometown isn't much better. I guess most people feel that way about the area they live in and people that live in it. Sometimes it seems like this place is the only place where wearing pajamas in public is socially acceptable. Then I look on the internet and see that's not the case.

I'm not an outspoken person, in fact I am very very shy. I do have my passions and I will tell you about them if you give me a chance. Most people don't though.

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

There's not enough parenting advice out there for me to read to prepare for the conversation I just had with my son. I'm used to the kind of questions a "typical" ASD child would ask. These are usually in the form of a scientific question, or at the very least they are quite amusing. Last week he asked me what would happen if we just sent all the werewolves to the moon.

Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for these questions!

He asked me, "Who are you?"

"I'm mom. Silly."

"No, I know that. I am being philosophical."

"Why are you being philosopiphical...Why are you making me say words I can't pronounce?"

"I dunno..."

"Mom, another quick question. Are you happy?"

OMG! I didn't know how to answer that. He's 18, but he's not 18 mentally. Can he handle the truth? What would happen if I said no? Should I lie and say yes?

"Um. No." I stammered. "Are you happy?"

He shook his head and he whispered, "No."

My heart broke.. I am hoping he isn't happy because there is a computer game out there that he wanted and he just doesn't know how to ask for it. So, I naively asked, "Why aren't you happy?"

He didn't answer. Instead he turned the tables on me. "Why aren't you happy?" Who is this child? Why is he asking me these tough questions?

"I'm just not happy with my life at the moment." Hindsight and all that, I should have said that I'm not happy because he said he's not happy. However, I do not believe in lying to my kids. They need to know that a parent has feelings and a parent can struggle with things, too.

But, as I asked my son why he wasn't happy his answer made anything I have ever suffered through seem trivial.

His answer, "I'm not happy with the way I am."

Yeah. Then he asked me to go and pet his cat. Moment gone.

That'll Teach Me To Go Away For The Day

Gracious! I don't have enough body space for the amount of birds that want to be on me today. I have some clingy little fids today. I'm not complaining because Peanut is on me now. I haven't been graced with this much love from him since he found his little girl friend. 

Positive and Negative Thoughts

I try not to be a negative person, but the negativity always wins. I think to myself that if I don't have any expectations, then I can't be disappointed. But, in this article about positivity it says if you think about it, then it will appear. Hmmm...OK. I think about living on a beach, writing my books and articles, biking to the local market for fresh fruits and veggies, but here I am in freezing cold PA, sitting on my recliner in my robe with wild sleepy hair.

My vision didn't work. Why?

My life experiences tell me that I am always going to be disappointed in one form or another. Why? Is this the reason; do I question things to much and don't just let them "be?"

I think I do.

I am in therapy for depression and anxiety and my therapist said to me at my last session to go out and find some friends. I am terrified of this thought. She also said that I need to find something to do for myself. I am in the midst of trying to find out who I am besides "wife" and "mother."

Who am I? I have no freaking clue! What do I like? Uh, birds. I like to read. I like to sit on my porch swing.

I don't like to go shopping. She said to window shop. Why? If I did that then I'd get even more depressed thinking about all the things that I'd like to have but don't. Be thankful for the things I have, she said. I am. We worked hard for the things we have. It's a daily struggle, but we're no exception since it is for most people.

Have a coffee with a friend was her next suggestion. Can I take my computer? My friends live in it.

I have to go out and get some real friends. :-( But, she didn't tell me how to do that. How do you do that? I don't leave my house unless it is to go to Walmart. A place I despise. When I am at Walmart, I rush around and grab the things I intended to get and a few things that I had no idea I needed until I spot them, which is why I hate Walmart. They are sneaky that way! Before I know it, I am back in the car. I can't remember if I uttered anything except and "excuse me" or "thank you" to the cashier. I do have my manners, at least.

My assignment for my next session is to keep on listing some good qualities about myself. M'kay. And, to keep listing some things I like. My brain will be fried before my next appointment!

Changing the topic a bit...Sisco was pulling out feathers every single night. I counted 5 feathers one morning. This morning, there were NO FEATHERS on the bottom of her cage!!! What was different? Nothing! She continues to baffle me!

Horrible Bird Mom I Am!

I just realized that it was coming up to a year that I've had Sisco. With a little checking, I found out that February 20th was the day Sisco came home. D'oh!!

Happy Birdaversary Sissy-Bug!!